Tick, tick, tick... two hours, 17 minutes until my last class of the Summer semester starts. My final, probably an essay with various questions regarding ethics. It should be easy, I've made all A's and B's the rest of this class and am not worried about this test. I'm sure I'll pass the class with an "A".
Nice shirtless shots, shower, swimming, very, very nice! Then I learned he is Gwen Sefani's husband. Not a bad catch for her! Of course it probably shoots all my dreams of him being gay, but I can still lust after him.
(where we downloaded it. Very nice sound, not too mellow and not t0o pop. Now if he'd just pose for a nice nude Playgirl spread or something that'd be just fine by me!
"May I be, the man in whom you'll ever trust."
That line is from a poem, it's also from the wedding vows I told my husband nine years ago when we had our commitment ceremony. It's very special to me and I think of those words often, May I Be...
Time to backup and regroup people. My dick, or rather my horniness, has gotten ahead of me. I found myself precariously perched between my personal desires and my relationship with my husband. It wouldn't take a psychiatrist to read just a few of my below blog entries to know I've been actively researching a ton of BDSM options. This is an area that's always intrigued me, but I've never tried. I'd like to, and may very well try it soon! But not at the cost of my relationship.
My husband and I started out on our "Sexual Adventure" together with goals to add a little spice to our relationship. For a while everything was going along perfectly, every word was shared between us, every desire, every move forward. It was fantastic! We were closer than we've ever been and I secretly felt sorry for all our friends that they didn't have nearly the same closeness that we shared.
Then we hit a few roadblocks. Sick cat, sick kid, and sudden death of our family doctor. Suddenly there were a lot more important things to deal with in R/L than to talk about kinky sex. My husband held back to deal with all of this, I (ever the obsessive one) continued on. I joined several groups and arranged for a couple R/L meetings with people from the BDSM community. I thought by putting faces on these cyber people and getting to know them and losing the "scary" image we had in our minds that I'd help my husband along on the fast track towards acceptance.
Not so.... they always say "know thyself", but someone forgot the owners manual for "know thy husband!" Instead of making him more comfortable, I ended up traumatizing him. Now don't take your mind down THAT path (though it'd make a good story...), I'm not talking about tossing him into some sexual scene where they tied him up and beat him till he was bleeding! I'm talking about simply pushing past his comfort level. Past it in a LOT of different ways. On top of his fears of heterosexual men, into his fear of crowds, his intense dislike of meeting new people. Oh, and did I mention he was quizzed by someone wanting to become part of our poly relationship and make my husband his slave bitch? Yeah, he was a little freaked out.
So I've felt terrible about all this. I've felt like I failed to protect my husband in this most basic way. If he couldn't count on me to protect him from an uncomfortable conversation, how can he trust me to protect him in a dungeon filled with hot sexy BDSM scenes?
I'll be cutting back on any groups I'm part of now and returning my focus on our relationship. Work on getting that "warm fuzzy" feeling back between us, and then we can look into proceeding on into whatever life has in store for us. Does that mean I'm giving up on my BDSM journey? Maybe, maybe not, but my relationship is more important to me. Hopefully in the future I don't look back with regret on this decision. Hopefully I'll look back fondly and think about how incredibly HOT my relationship has become because I took the time to develop it properly.
Peace and Long Life,
PaunFarr
I debated about writing this blog entry, wrestling with myself about "Too much information" and if anyone out there would really care. Finally I settled with "Fuck that! It's my blog and I want to record my thoughts!". So if this entry isn't for you, skip it. However I doubt I'm alone in this paticular fascination.
Tighter... harder... make me beg!
Where do our fantasies come from? Why do some of us have intense sexual desires for things in other other setting we'd be repulsed and afraid of?
Bondage, domination, humiliation, pain and torture. We'd shout for a criminal to be sent away for good if they did any of these things to us, and yet some people practically pee their pants in anticipation of having it done to them! (ok, so some pee their pants as PART of the experience...)
Is a person's interest in BDSM something that they're born with, like gender identity or sexuality? Is there an inner NEED to experience these things that drives them to ask Master for more whippings? Or is there some event in their past that triggers this. Some awful abuse as a child that's now fixated their mind on something to the point it's a point of pleasure rather than a memory of harm?
I haven't tried BDSM (yet...), but I'm learning a lot about it in the Yahoo group "Adventures In Sexuality". I'm discovering that I have a fascination with being tied up, bound, restrained, hung from the rafters or any other way someone might come up with. I haven't tried it yet, but I've got a lot of fantasies bubbling around in my head about it.
Why do I feel this way? I'm the world's biggest control freak, I want to be in charge of EVERYTHING. I multi-task with the best of them and work best when I'm either alone or there is no question about who is in charge (me!). In bed, it's the same thing, I am the dominant one and consider it my personal mission to guide my husband to a mind blowing orgasm. So where are these thoughts coming from? Why do I fantasize about the exact opposite of what I'm comfortable with?
I remember, or at least I think I do, of something from my distant childhood. It seems surreal now, not quite a true memory but maybe a hazy recollection of something similar that happened. I was young, possibly even before kindergarten age, and I see my parent's living room. Other people were there, friends of the family. It was bedtime and my dad was telling me it's time to change into pajamas and go to bed. But with all the people and excitement I didn't want to go, I was old enough to stay up too!
The memory is hazy, but I was in the center of the room, wanting to stay up, but in my mind I think what I really wanted was to be chased to bed. My dad obliged coming after me to put me to bed. His big hands not quite catching my little body as I ran, but instead catching hold of my pants. Shorts and underwear both come down in an instant binding my ankles and dropping me to the floor.
Time for pajamas, one way or the other! Everyone is laughing at me curled on the floor while my dad holds me down and undresses me forcefully. Look at the little naked boy! Time for bed! I'm laughing and trying to get away, but my dad's big hairy hands won't let me up. Once I'm fully naked, and mom has protested to the point of making him let me go, I streak naked to my room to get dressed for bed.
Did this really happen? Is this a real memory, or something my mind made up, or perverted from something vaguely similar that I experience somehow? It excites me and gets me horny. Not the sort of thing to bring up at the big family dinner when grandpa is cutting the turkey, and I'm not sure if it's something I even need to resolve. I feel no trauma from it, no ill will towards my dad. I just wonder if this could have been my earliest experience with being dominated and held in place, a predecessor of my fascination with bondage?
Later, as a teenager, I experimented with tieing my pubescent body up to my bunk bed. An elaborate way to masturbate, but it worked for me at the time. Also the constant fear that someone might walk in and catch me comes up. I think I may have touched on this in another blog entry earlier.
So there you have it. TMI - I'm good at that lately. But what's a blog for if you can't spread out your soul so you can pick it apart and get a better look.
What are your dark fantasies? Where do they come from? Have you ever tried them?
Peace and Long Life,
PaunFarr
All that was in his universe, was the chair. He'd been there so long time had no meaning for him any more. The chair provided all of his needs, tubes snaked into his arms feeding him, keeping him alive. More tubes deep inside his penis and ass, removing waste as necessary. His eyes and ears were covered, in darkness and silence. He was alone. No physical contact, no companionship, no life.
The chair used to do one other thing. It used to get him off. It was the most high tech masturbatory device ever invented, capable of taking a person beyond their limits into astronomical highs of orgasm. That chair hadn't done that in a long, long time. It had shut down, left him trapped in nothingness, but refusing to let him go on to life. Life. That strange blue and green world outside of the chair, people, places, REALITY. How long had it been since he'd been there? The chair held him captive. Not here nor there, no where.
His toe twitched. He'd forgotten he even had toes in all this time. But there was no mistaking it, the big toe on his right foot had twitched inside the restraining boots he wore. Was it just his imagination? Or was there...
There it was again! This time his left foot! There was no mistaking it this time, something had ran up the bottom of his foot, teasing him, tickling him. It felt amazing! TOUCH! SENSATION! Something beyond this damnable existence of non-existing!
His ears were covered, but he could hear something... a faint buzzing. Something over his left shoulder, he could feel the hairs on the back of his arms rising with the static chill of the sound. Then a bolt, like a strike of some thunder god's hammer, hit his chest at his heart.
"God.. fuck... what's happening... is someone there? Please, god, is someone there?" he coughed, partially because of the pain in his chest, partially because dry unused lips hadn't spoken in so long. "Please... just let me go, get me out..."
But his words were frozen, replaced by chattering teeth and shaking body. Electricity bit into his nipples, both simultaneously. He couldn't see it, but blue arcs of fire danced between his nipples, singing his chest hair. His body bucked in the chair, shaking and instantly covered in a thin sheath of sweet.
It was the chair! It'd been so long he'd almost forgotten, but this was the chair! It was teasing his body, preparing him for sensations and pleasures he'd never thought to experience again. Instantly his cock became hard in the heavy sheath it was encased in. His balls twitched, and were gently tugged on, by their on encasement. His body was coming back to life, being coaxed back with each new sensation.
"Do you like that baby? Is that what you've been craving?" the husky male voice cooed to him through his headphones. It was the same sexy voice he remembered that used to tease and coax him through his sessions in the chair. "It's been a long time, you got plenty of jizz for me to lap up?"
Responding without even thinking, the man in the chair moaned back "I got so much you won't ever be able to handle it..."
"We'll see... we'll see..." the chair cooed in his ear.
Visions of a giant cock suddenly flooded his long dark eyes as the visor came to life. Blinded at first by the sudden image he blinked and shifted his head side to side to try and get away from it. But the sound of lovemaking bombarded his ears. He watched the giant cock, hard as a rock, nestle in close to another man's anus.
Meanwhile he felt the familiar probe tease his own ass, the chair moving it's device into position. he knew what it would be doing and his ass clenched and shivered in anticipation. "Fuck me... oh yeah, please oh please fuck me!"
The voice in his ear whispered "You want it baby?" He could feel tiny sensations traveling up and down his cock as the chair teased him, while the vision in his eyes showed a man stroking his throbbing meat.
The man in the chair cried, tears flowing out of his eyes and out the visor "Oh please... please just do me!"
"You asked for it!" the voice gruffly told him as the probe forcefully rammed up inside his tender ass. Visions of the big cock plunging into the man matched the motions of the chair. The man in the chair screamed, his body struggling against his bonds as the probe hurt like hell going in, but his body wanted it, NEEDED it so badly!
"Yes, yes, yes, yes!" he panted as the cyber cock thrust in and out of him. His own cock and balls were assailed with a myriad of vibrations and sensations as they were tugged, pulled and squeezed. Occasionally the electrodes on his nipples would spark to life, giving him new reason to scream in painful pleasure anew.
The images in front of his eyes and sounds piped into his ears started changing in rapid fire succession. Many men, all having hot sex, each thrusting and grinding, sucking and fucking. His mind and body were being deluged with sensations long forgotten. He was rising in exquisite ecstasy, exactly as the chair was programmed to do. Even more so due to his long imprisonment without any such feelings.
"Is this what you've wanted so badly? Is this what you've been waiting for?" the chair asked him, the nipple clamps squeezing and twisting the sensitive buds. The anal probe was thrusting deeper, swelling inside him while his cock hovered at the razor's edge of cumming.
"Oh FUCK yes! YES! Please, please just let me..." he begged, and it did. "...cum!" He ejaculated harder than any time he'd ever cum in the past. Somehow the chair had withdrew all of it's implements, bonds and devices in the moment right before he exploded because he felt the sticky hot cum shooting up his chest, a little falling on his mouth and face. It tasted oh so good as his lips reached out for their first taste of anything in so long.
His cock throbbed on his belly, continuing to shoot for a long time, until there was no more spunk to give, but still the hard dick continued to shake with each continuing orgasm. It was most certainly making up for lost time and stretching out this good feeling for as long as he possibly could.
Finally his breathing shallowed and the man realized he was free. The manacles on his arms and feet were gone. With one shaking hand he reached up and pushed the goggles off his head and pulled the ear muffs off. He stumbled naked and covered in his own cum out of the cyber chair that had been his prison. He immediately fell to the floor on his hands and knees, his body not ready to walk yet.
He was vaguely aware of a sputtering electronic sound and turned his head to see. It was the chair, it was sparking and whirring. It was dying. It had burned itself up in this one last use and now would function no more. His prison and lover were gone.
It was a long time before he managed to stand, but he made his way through the dusty room to the door. It was barely standing on it's hinges, he realized it was in a terrible state of disrepair. In fact, the entire room was that way, everything covered in a layer of dust, looking as if it'd been left untouched for years, decades perhaps?
He pushed and with an effort the door swivelled open. Blinding sunlight poured in, he shielded his eyes from the painful glare. He stepped out of the room and was surprised to find soft grass under his feet.
He looked around. The world was a lush green paradise. No hint of civilization anywhere around him, just the rubble of a building. The room he'd occupied was the only thing still standing.
He stared out at the world before him in wonder and shock. How long had he been in that chair? Had the world moved on without him? Was he the last human left on Earth...?
http://blip.tv/file/854078 (Make sure to use password 207)
Hey all!
For anyone who's known me, even for a little while, you would know that the above image is NOT what I'm usually into. Basically, "if there's no hair, why would I care?". Ok, maybe that's being extreme, but at least for me, my #1 favorite trait is chest hair. Twinks, hairless/shaved men, "boys", are simply not what I'm into.
I found the above in a Flickr group (Male BDSM fantasies) and received permission from the poster (koutesu) to repost it here. Please make sure to use the password of 207 to view the video at the end of the link.
The video is HOT! No doubt about it. koutesu actually posted several videos in similar series on Flickr, and all are to be appreciated and watched again and again! But the above one happened to be the first I saw, and the hottest (in my opinion). Like I said above, NOT the usual type of guy that I go for, but the video touched on so many scenes of bondage that have been churning around in my head for a while that it really did the trick for me!
Now, you may ask, was my fantasy to be the dominant tormentor, or the submissive captive? Ah hah! Now we have the key! From an early age I enjoyed being tied up (by myself) and that's been a fantasy that's stuck with me my entire life, but I have never really explored as an adult. Part of the problem is that I'm a multi-tasking, dominant, control freak TOP, and it's hard for me to let go of control enough for someone to do this to me. However I also think that's the same reason why the idea of being bound and dominated like this is such a hot fantasy for me! It's so far outside my norm that it's exactly the forbidden fruit that I crave.
I'll post another blog about my pursuit of this BDSM fantasy, as well as some other fantasies I and my husband are trying to make reality.
I hope you try watching the video and see what you think. At first I had a "blair witch" moment in which I felt "Oh my god! I can't believe I'm watching this! Someone needs to get some help for this poor guy!" but after watching several of koutesu's videos, I'm convinced this was entirely consensual and staged. Still doesn't take away from the "hotness" factor.
Now... if we can just convince koutesu to post some similar videos of hairy daddy types that would be just heaven... I wonder what Steve Kelso is doing these days? ;-)
Peace and Long Life,
PaunFarr
BTW - for anyone insterested, back in the day Steve's web site was called "Hairway to Steven".
